Im going crazy inside... everything is changing and im being left behind... I hate myself and I hate my life... I dont understand how I can live this way... day by day I rip myself apart inside to keep a smile on my face... a smile thats simply a facade for this twisted life of mine... nobody is happy with me and im no longer happy for myself... how long with this go on... what am i going to do???????? ... am I not doing what im suppose too... I blame myself for everything im going through... im the one at fault... its all my fault... MY FAULT

when will it be better... when will i change...???

Things have been good lately... I've settled down... Slowly getting everything under control and organizing everything future wize... A lots happened lately... some for the good and some for the bad but in the end everything works out for us so its all good...

My mind has been on and off lately... Im not completely sure what to do... I need to find a job or I need to get back to school...

Lately things have been a little wierd... but I guess Im gonna have to get used to the changes around here... its hard but hopefully in the end it works out... it gets easier day by day...

It would make it alot easier for me to deal with somethings if I was still connected wit timmy... perhaps I shall go see him...

Alot of things I miss... I left behind alot of things but everything is good... whats meant to be will find its way around so I shall just sit back and wait for the pieces to find its place...

Well Im out... getting a little sleepy...

~ shall update soon ~

What to do what t do what to do... everything I do is wrong and I dont know what to do anymore... any suggestions... perhaps I should just change... The way I am hurts to much to live through I guess... If I bottle everything on the inside and show everyone what they want to see on the outside then perhaps would be alot easier... kinda explains why half the people do the things they do i guess... well its worth a shot... I already been torturing myself one way... myte as well go for a whole new approach... yea it probably hurt me more but at least Ill bring happiness to those around me...